remember to remember…

Maintaining focus has not been an easy thing for me lately. Thoughts seem to leave my head as quickly as they enter. If I manage to get them written down, then I have the challenge of remembering that I wrote them down and then remembering where I wrote it. I’ve gone to a spiral notebook for daily lists… shopping, meal planning and the like. Pinterest has been a blessing and a curse for my current state of mind. I love knowing exactly where I’ve “pinned” something, but my lack of focus means when I go back to find something, I often spend far more time browsing than I ever intended.

I have a plastic folder for all my urgent “to do” items. It’s a hard shelled plastic number, about the size of a large, thin book. Things like bills, coupons and urgent paperwork go in this folder, with a college ruled sheet of paper acting as a cover page that I update as I go. It works pretty well. When something arrives that needs to be addressed, I put it in the folder and add a line to my cover page. Where I get in trouble is when I neglect to look at my folder for several weeks, then realize I have bills waiting to be paid inside.

The focus thing makes blogging tough, too. Ideas pass through my head too quickly – when I sit down at the computer to write them out, my mind goes blank… and I suddenly find myself at Facebook or Pinterest. *face palm*

I have a moment to myself this morning. Ben and C are at her class. I’m waiting at a nearby bookstore, enjoying a few minutes of me time. I got a cup of tea and sat down at a table in the adjacent coffee shop, intending to sit, relax and enjoy. Maybe blog a bit, too. The scene and overall energy of the place, however, was not aligned with my plan. A pair at one table seemed distressed about work. I managed to tune them out. Then, the conversation at table across from me permeated the area. Two women spoke angrily about seemingly every subject that came up – ranging from gossiping about what strangers were wearing to commenting on the appropriateness of others’ excess weight (these ladies were not small by any means). For one woman, everything in life was terrible, awful, with no silver lining. Her friends attempted to throw in sympathetic comments here and there, but those were quickly shot down. I tried to tune it out the conversation, to block the negative energy sitting across from me, but my efforts were futile.

I moved outside, found a sunny spot to sit, bundled up my coat, and took in the morning. Except for the occasional passerby, I was alone. Sometimes you need that reprieve from the world. To shut your brain off and just exist. No responsibilities, no split attention, no where to focus, nothing to remember. It’s a nice break.

I find my most serene moments are those where I’ve found escape from civilization – or at least escape from masses of people. My favorite spot in college was the pier at a nearby beach. My roommate would accompany me sometimes, and we’d stand at the end of the pier, absorbing the enormity of the inky black ocean beneath our feet; feeling humbled by the brief glimpse of our own insignificance in the universe.

In high school, my favorite spot was along the Delta, sitting and listening to the water. I never went by myself, my best friend was always with me, which was welcome company. She was someone I could be myself around without fear of judgment. In nice weather, we’d find a boat ramp or pier to inhabit. In rainy weather, we’d lay in the back of my car, with the hatchback lifted open to allow us to enjoy the sounds of nature while staying dry inside. Ahhh, the simple things in life.

Water seems to be a theme in my search for serenity. What about you? How do you find peace in this crazy world?

A special thanks to all my new readers and commenters. It makes me happy to see you here. :)

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Mom to "C", wife to Ben. I'm a part-time blogger, cook, organizer, seamstress, house cleaner, taxi, nurse (the mom kind), accountant... I could go on, but really... it's all in the blog. Read away!

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